there’s nowhere i feel safe letting go all my feelings so i thought i’d try here…
i’ve been trying my hardest to be positive, smile everyday in hope of getting better kind of faking it until i made it, but i just can’t anymore. maybe i didn’t try hard enough, but these past days i’ve had so much stress on me that i got tired of trying. and yes, maybe it’s uni that’s draining me of my energy as it’s only a month until the semester ends, but i know there’s more to it. so much i’ve buried inside me the past years and haven’t had the opportunity to talk with anybody. the hate for myself and my body coming back, relapsing again, loneliness… hard to believe, but i think loneliness is the one that hurts me the most of those three. i’ve been distancing myself and ignoring people without noticing at all, but no one really makes the effort to contact me, which makes me believe no one cares enough. i’m so scared of what’s to come, i believed i was happy for some time, but i was just so busy with people that i forgot about everything, and now that i’m alone everything is back as usual. i’m also scared of things changing when i go back to uni, which obviously i know they will, my two closest friends won’t be there, and i’ll remain alone and lost in this feeling that i feel now.
but i’ll still try, i truly believe that if i keep being positive, i will make it.
